Fall

Finally I get to break out my long sleeves! I'm so excited when this time of year rolls around. I look forward to it all summer long while driving around in my '98 SUV with no A.C... And it's not just the heat that gets me. It's the ickiness of the summer season and the lifestyle that I lead that just simply doesn't fit into summer. We don't make a good match, summer and I.
I always have a change of mind when fall comes around. I suddenly feel like a brand new version of me that can nearly conquer anything. But this fall I fell.
I crumbled when someone asked me if I needed their help with something. I didn't know I needed help from anyone. I hadn't realized that I had a problem this huge...literally and figuratively speaking. And when this very nice and thoughtful individual offered me his help I was taken aback and hurt. And I got into quite a bit of depression about it that I'm not sure if I'm over yet or not. I need to e-mail him and inform him that his help is not wanted but to thank him all the same.
It's not that I'm ungrateful. But honestly - I'm just embarrassed. The humility that came with this realization was jarring. The first couple of days afterward I barely ate. Now I'm working on the opposite resolution and I'm beginning to overeat. Oh, dear, what is to be done with me?
I do realize that I need to make some changes. A lot of life changes.
1. I need to get my slow butt through school!
2. I really and truly need to lose a lot of this weight.
3. I need to find out what makes me happy and start that process.
4. I need to be independent and stay on course.

Those are the main things. I believe that everything else should fall into place....somehow....hopefully. We'll see.